To work at home you need alot of stuff

Posted by Offer Tsuriel on October 23, 2009

Comrades:
As you know, we’ve made terrific progress in capturing the market of people who work out of their homes. This growing market
of suckers has resulted in booming sales at our 236 ,405 huge retail warehouses nationwide.
To remain competitive, however, we must always be on the lookout for new ways to persuade America’s workers to buy doodads for their home offices. We must convince these workers
they need our products. This post will outline some possible strategies. Me here in Marketing thought I’d run them up the flagpole and see who bends over. I look forward to
your input.

 

RECEIPTS
Our itemized receipts have been very popular with at-home workers who use them for tax purposes and to seek reimbursement from their customers. But we can do more to help our clientele. From now on, all sales of our popular computer games software, such as “Flight Simulator,’ will read out on cash register
receipts as “Envelopes.”

PAPER SHREPPERS
Here at headquarters I know most offices don’t need a paper shredder. What’s so secret that these workers need to shred? What are they, the Pentagon? But paper shredders have proven to be hot sales items. The customers buying these shredders are what we here in Marketing call ASUEEs (All Stocked Up onm Everything Else) . The ASUEEs are a fickle market and soon will move on to something else-probably DVD drives. Therefore, we must find ways to quickly move these shredders. We propose an advertising campaign highlighting the benefits of confetti. One can never have too much confetti on hand. What if a party breaks out? And there’s always the possibility a tickertape parade might pass by your window. We think this approach will sway those fence-sitters who still haven’t purchased a shredder.

SOFTWARE:
Our Technology Department is in the process of developing a new suite of home-office programs that will allow the average at-home worker to draft documents, store files, send e-mail, create charts, do illustrations, keep accounting records, send faxes, and figure out taxes, all without ever leaving the chair. We believe the new Deluxe Home Office Suite For Idiots 2002 will be a “must-have” for techno-geeks who work at home. Naturally, the new suite will be incompatible with all existing operating systems. But our Technology Department is working up a new operating system that will retail for only $249 .99. Plan for the Christmas rush now!

HEADSET PHONES
These items, which clip right onto one’s head and leave the hands free, are proving very popular with home-office types, particularly those who like to pretend they’re pilots while playing “Flight Simulator.” Display them prominently and move ‘em out!

THE BASICS
We’re not forgetting our root market here. We know most people shop Megalotta Office Stuff Inc. for the basics-paper, pens, clipboards, staplers, file folders, etc. The problem with many of these items is they last too long. A shopper buys, say, a stapler for his home office and he’s set for life! He’ll never need another stapler. And one box of a thousand staples will last years. This doesn’t produce the high turnover we want. We need our customers to walk through the door every week, so they have an opportunity to ogle the latest product offerings, such as paper shredders. Therefore, we have redesigned most of our basic items and are now manufacturing them out of the finest Indonesian plastic. File shelves, staplers, pencil holders, even office furniture will now be constructed of this particularly brittle blend of polymers. The slightest use results in breakage. We’ll still carry items made of more durable material, such as metal, but their prices will be quadrupled to encourage customers to go with the plastic. You can bet we’ll see those customers again!
That’s it for now from Marketing. Next week: The latest in electronic organizers!

Comments

One Response to “To work at home you need alot of stuff”

1. Tracy says:

   October 26, 2009 at 10:46 am

   You should also try SSuite Office for a free office suite. They have a whole range of office suites that are free for download.

   Their software also don’t need to run on Java or .NET, like so many open source office suites, so it makes their software very small and efficient.

   You may try these links:

   http://www.ssuitesoft.com/index.htm
   or
   http://ssuite5element.webs.com/thefifthelement.htm